


it's you and me (i know it's my destiny)

by jamesmadibabe



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Crying, Depression, Fluff, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mention of Underage Sex, Pokemon GO - Freeform, alex is a college student & burr is a lawyer, burr is the greatest dad, he and the theos are so cute, hinting of abuse, mention of hard drugs, mentions of theo/angelica/dolley/adrienne/maria r/maria c/abigail, sflkjj;alsdjfkalsj;kdf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:40:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12895308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesmadibabe/pseuds/jamesmadibabe
Summary: Aaron stops in the middle of his sentence, blinking, because the kid who was just about to rip his nipples off over a digital alien is now collapsing to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably.or, alex is an over emotional college kid and aaron is an obsessive lawyer and proud mom of seven cats and one little girl, and they're connected by one extremely strange meeting. both of them are clueless fucks who don't know how to deal with emotion.





	it's you and me (i know it's my destiny)

**Author's Note:**

> what the hell am i doing. no one cares about hamburr
> 
> anyway, enjoy this fucking dumpster fire

He's doing this for Theo, he's doing this for Theo, he's doing this for Theo...

He has to repeat this to himself, over and over, like a mantra, and he finds himself walking, almost marching, to the words. Yeah, it's embarrassing, but everything in his life is kind of embarrassing, really. He'd do anything for his daughter in general - she's the light of his shitty life.

Here Aaron is, on the cusp of forty (At this point, he has no idea how old he is, really. At some point it got too depressing to count.) playing Pokemon Go long after the hype is over. He shuffles down the street, trying not to meet anyone's gaze, eyes glued to his phone. Maybe people would assume he was doing important business things, but Theo Jr. made him wear a Pokemon hat, which she said was "essential to the whole, like, homeless kid hoarding animals and making them fight vibe."

Theo's way too smart for her own good and more imaginative that he'll ever be.

Aaron's job is apparently near where some rare Pokemon are, and she insisted he go out and catch some for her, and he can't say no to her deep dark brown eyes. She gave him a reference sheet, and, like the monumental fuckup he is, he immediately lost it and all he remembers is, "don't waste my Pokeballs on ratatta."

Biting his lip, he swerves to avoid bumping into yet another person. This isn't as easy as he thought it would be. The wind is freezing his nipples, and he can feel everyone's judgmental stares on the back of his neck. Also, he's seen like seventeen fucking pigsties, or whatever the hell they're called, and he knows absolutely nothing about this but every time he sees one he wants to scoop his eyes out of their sockets.

His phone buzzes, alerting him that there's a... well... something nearby. It's a brown lumpy little shit with gangling arms and what looks like bandages on its limbs. It has spider eyes and dinosaur feet and it's the ugliest thing he's ever seen but it reminds him of his teen years, somehow.

And Aaron is fucking booking it, because, well, it seems rare (Surely a game about catching cute alien motherfuckers wouldn't have a bunch of these ugly shits around?) and he needs to have something to show to Theo before he goes home. Without looking, he knows more people are staring at him, and he can feel his face start to heat up.

He's about to catch the thing, but someone screams bloody murder - he almost drops his phone. Aaron looks up to see some ratty-looking college-aged kid. He's got olive skin, a face full of acne, and unevenly shaved facial hair.  His hair - as in, the type on top of his head - is long and greasy, shoved into a ponytail. He wears a sickeningly green oversized hoodie (Well, Aaron assumes anything would look oversized on this kid. His skin clings to his bones) and the shortest pair of shorts he's ever seen, revealing his bony, bruised, scratched up legs. His large brown eyes are piercing and sparkly, and Aaron would go as far as to say they're cute if his bushy eyebrows weren't pulled together in anger.

Frankly, he's the type of person Aaron assumes would be regularly playing Pokemon Go.

"No you fuckin' don't," the guy hisses, stomping his foot like a toddler. Again, Aaron would say it was cute if it weren't for the whole... homeless frat boy hipster vibe.

"I-?" Aaron can't get anything out, because, for once in his life, he's not prepared for a situation, doesn't have a list of things to say already stored in the back of his mind. The whole thing is so damn absurd that even his obsessive ass couldn't have thought it up.

"That's my Hitmonlee, cunt!" The kid shouts at the top of his lungs, voice cracking. (God, what type of loser remembers the names of all of these fucks?) He looks as if he's about to start foaming at the mouth. Can people get rabies? Holy shit, he looks like the type of person who would try and fuck a raccoon. "You're gonna have to fight me for it."

"Whoa - Whoa -" Aaron stutters, taking a slow step back. The kid is pitiful, swaying on his feet, and he looks like he has the strength of a senior citizen, but Aaron doesn't really want to test that theory. "Listen, kid - "

"I'm not a goddamn kid."

He can just walk away, but he doesn't want to disappoint his daughter, even if it means fighting with some kid who looks like he just crawled out of a gutter and washed his hair with mucus. "I don't want any trouble, my daughter just wants me to catch one of these rare Pokemon, and I can't go home empty-handed. You underst-"

The kid stares at him, hard, and for a second Aaron thinks he gets it and this is going to be a lot easier than he anticipated. But then he goes off, shrieking obscenities while trashing his body rapidly. Aaron thinks he can catch the damn thing while the kid is losing his shit, but he can't bring himself to look away. He can't think clearly, but, for some reason, he suddenly remembers being a child and planning his entire life out. Fuck, twelve year old him never would have thought this type of thing happened in real life.

"I'm so-" Aaron stops in the middle of his sentence, blinking, because the kid who was just about to rip his nipples off over a digital alien is now collapsing to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Aaron stares for a long time, unsure what to do, and is shocked by the number of people who are just walking by like this is a normal occurrence. Maybe Aaron is the only person who can see this. Sure, this isn't what he imagined demons to be like, but this has him pretty freaked the fuck out. He could be dead.

After a few moments of internal panic, Aaron says timidly, "Hey, uh, I have no idea what's going on right now, but I have some Earl Grey tea and a pretty comfortable couch. I have seven cats, and they're chubby assholes but they're snuggly."

Mentally, Aaron slaps himself across the face. Sure, he's made a bunch of stupid decisions, but this really takes the cake. He can only foresee this going horribly long. This little fucker looks like he's on seventy different types of drugs and is willing to rob him blind to pay for them. It isn't just about him - he has a little girl at home to look out for, and Theodosia is going to have his ass (Wow, that's some really bad wording. Theodosia hasn't had his ass in a sexual way in a long time.) when she finds out. But the kid looks so helpless, and he wouldn't be able to sleep leaving him there.

Theo kid looks up at him suspiciously, tears still leaking out of his eyes. After consideration, he sniffs and holds out his arms, like a toddler. Sighing, Aaron regrets his decision even more. Tucking his phone into his pocket, he picks the kid up, cradling him like a huge meth addicted baby.

On the long walk home, Aaron tries not to meet anyone's eyes, too embarrassed. If he sees someone he knows, he'll explode. His new "friend" does the exact opposite, rotating between crying, sulking, and shouting at random passerby.

When they reach the door to his house Aaron doesn't even bother putting him down, only balances him on one arm and opens the door with his hip. Thankfully, there's no one downstairs, so he doesn't have to deal with questions he has no idea what the answers are to. Dumping the kid on the couch, handing him one of Theo's old Go, Diego, Go! blankets, which is surprisingly comfortable and always makes him feel more secure. He has to search for the remote, but when he finds it he flicks the TV on. "Parks and Rec, Brooklyn Nine-NIne, or The Office?"

"Parks and Rec."

Aaron shuffles into the kitchen (Thomas must have used the key he told him to get rid of because there's a bunch h of macaroni on the fucking counter) and makes tea, searching through the fridge for the cookies James made. (He's a stress baker, and James is always carrying a concerning amount of stress, so he always has extras to give out.)

While he's walking back to the living room, he hears feet scurrying down the stairs. He cringes, but this isn't unexpected. He shares his home with his daughter, ex-fiancée, and his friend, James Monroe. James Madison used to stay here shortly after his parents kicked him out for being gay and before he moved in with his boyfriend, then Peggy Schuyler moved in when xe got kicked out of their dorms for smoking and didn't want to tell xyr parents - there's always a room in his house for anyone who needs it, and Monroe definitely needed the emotional support after his girlfriend died.

The steps are a little too fast and light to be any of his friends, so he puts the cookies and tea back on the counter, meeting Theo on the at the bottom of the stairs. She giggles, hopping into his arms, and Aaron presses kisses on her forehead, spinning her around in the air. He drops her on the ground, getting on his knees. (She's only a couple inches shorter than him, but it makes him feel better to pretend he's taller.) "I didn't see the car outside. Did Mommy leave you alone?"

Theo shakes her head no, rocking on the balls of her feet. She really is the striking image of her mother, and has most of her mannerisms, too. "Mommy's at work, but Moony's upstairs losing his shit over Super Mario Bros."

"Theo," he reprimands, trying to keep a straight look. She spends most of her time around adults, which means she's mature but has also picked up some of the language. He isn't mad, though. Theo could stab him in the chest and take a shit on his open would and he would still swear she's the most beautiful thing in the world.

She giggles, trying to run past him into the room. Panicking, he reaches his arm out to stop her. "I have a... friend in there, so could you do me a favor and not go into the living room? They're feeling really... sad, and I don't want you to accidentally upset them anymore, okay?"

She squints at him, but then shrugs and kisses the tip of his nose. "Whatever. We can go Pokemon hunting later - I know you didn't get anything done." As she races back up the stairs, she shouts, "I hope they feel better!"

Aaron smiles, grateful to have such an understanding daughter. On the way to the living room, he grabs the cookies and tea, trying not to look as nervous as he feels. The kid is surrounded by cats, buried under Theo's blanket, just his eyes and wild hair peeking out like a child. His eyes light up when he sees Aaron (He has to bite back a smile because damn, this boy is adorable in a way he can't explain.) and reaches out for his tea.

Settling in next to him, Aaron watches him. Though he sips the tea, he gobbles down the cookies like he hasn't eaten in weeks - based on his figure, he probably hasn't.  His eyes are glued to the screen, and when Aaron sees him sile for the first time his heart flutters in a way it hasn't in years. He isn't crying anymore, but it's clear he was just a moment ago. "So, kid-"

"I'm not a fucking kid."

"Right." He's quickly learning not to get upset over most of the thing this guy says. He appreciated his quick wit but is annoyed by it at the same time. "I wouldn't have to call you kid if I knew your name, you know."

"It's Alex. Alexander Hamilton."

Aaron considers not giving him his real name, but Alex is already in his house eating his best friend's cookies and under his daughter's blankets, so there really isn't a point in trying to keep his privacy anymore. Also, he can't improvise for shit and any name he came up would be completely unbelievable. "I'm Aaron Burr."

They fall into a not uncomfortable silence, watching an episode Aaron's seen a million times before, but he doesn't mind. The whole scene feels domestic like it's out of some shitty Hallmark movie. He's the uptight obsessive overprotected dad and Alex is the rebellious broke soul and they heal together of what the fuck ever.

Not that this is romantic, of course. There's nothing romantic about carrying a probable drug addict five blocks.

Suddenly, the kid jumps up. "The Aaron Burr?"

Frowning, Aaron replies, "I can't think of any other Aaron Burrs, except for my dad." But he's dead almost slips out of his mouth, but he catches himself. He has a nasty habit of accidentally making casual conversations dark.

Holy shit!" He squeaks, eyes lighting up. Aaron can't help but notice the way he starts bouncing, but he can't figure out why - it's not like he's anything special. "You went to Princeton, right? Graduated at fourteen?" Before Aaron can answer, Alex continues, "You're one of my greatest inspirations, man. Princeton was one of my first choices but I got into Columbia. I considered going into law just like you, but I settled on Political Science. But god, man, your essays are great, and the way you argue for your cases is legendary. My particular favorites are the ones where you fight for trans kids to be able to use the bathrooms in their schools, and stay so emotionless while people basically lists reasons why you shouldn't have rights. Shit's wild, man. I would've dropkicked a bitch."

Aaron can't make out the rest of his speech, it's mostly just enthusiastic nonsense, but he can't help but smile. In his college days everyone wanted a piece of him, but now he's old news, just a boring adult. It's good to take a walk down memory lane - however, he doesn't enjoy looking at his old essays and seeing his deadname on them. "Thank you, but I'm not anything special." Aaron is always a slut for praise, even though he tries not to let it show.

"Wait, you go to Columbia?" Aaron says, doing his best to keep the surprise out of his voice. When he thinks of Columbia he imagines rich kids, not someone who looks like he just rolled out of a dumpster and bathed in nuclear waste. (Okay, maybe that one was a little too harsh.) "I have a friend who just finished his third year at Columbia." A friend is kind of pushing it - John Laurens doesn't hate him, but he doesn't like him either. John is more of a friend of a friend, really. Well, calling Angelica a friend is a bit of a stretch, too -

There's some more excited chatter, and, then, eventually, Alex winds down, petting the cats and staring blankly at the tv. Aaron pulls out his phone so neither of them has to feel pressured to talk. He doesn't have any messages, except for one from Angelica asking him how Theodosia is doing, but he isn't really surprised. A lot of his friends are off doing their own things, and he's glad for them, mostly, but sometimes it gets boring. And, yeah, Aaron has always liked boring things - knowing what to expect, never being knocked off his feet, but, sometimes, he gets tired of it.

When he looks up the television has turned off and Alex is asleep. With most people, they look peaceful, younger while they sleep. Alex looks even more troubled, his eye bags more prominent and his slow breathing showing off how little meat he has on his bones. Sure, it's kind of cute, the way his nostrils flare and cheeks redden, but the sight makes Aaron's stomach churn. He doesn't have a clue what Alex is going through, but someone so young shouldn't have to look so worn out.

Aaron doesn't realize he's asleep until someone gently yet firmly shakes him awake. He mutters, confusedly, swatting a pair of hands out of his face. He rubs at his eyes until adjusts, smiling when he makes out Theodosia's pretty eyes and sharp jawline, but freezes when he sees her lips pulled into a grimace and her dark eyebrows scrunched in anger. "What the fuck is this?"

For a moment, he can't think of why she's upset, but then everything that happened earlier comes rushing to his head. He smiles sheepishly at Theodosia, scratching the back of his neck. "Uh, it's a long story. This is Alex, he goes to college at Columbia, can you believe it? He's a political science major, really excited about the, uh, government and shit, he's like a-"

"Don't change the subject," she interrupts, nudging him with her elbow. "And you know I hate the government."

"So I was walking home because you had the car, um, but you know that, of course, and I was trying to catch Pokémon for Theo - she should've talked to you about that, I know you love nostalgia and shit - and I met him and he was chewing me out for trying to take 'his' Pokémon, and then he started to cry somehow, and I couldn't just leave him there, so I carried him home because he didn't want to fuckin' walk - not a thousand percent sure if he actually can - and I made him some tea and gave him some of James's cookies and then we both fell asleep, I guess. He-"

Theodosia presses a finger to his lips, shushing him. She sucks in a deep breath, running her hands through her hair. "Aaron, you're too giving for your own fucking good, and I love that about you, don't get me wrong - I could never stay angry at you for too long - but we've got a kid, and he looks like he's on a shit ton of drugs, ya know? What I'm saying is, you should think of your daughter before you bring anyone into this house."

Biting his lip, Aaron scoots back. Theodosia's right, of course, and it pains him having that shoved in his face. All his life, he's tried to do the best for his daughter and always be there for her. In the end, this seems like an even bigger mistake than he anticipated. Why couldn't he have offered him five dollars and a Whopper like a normal person? "He'll be out by-"

"He can stay for as long as he needs to," Theodosia interrupts, grinning softly at him. Her eyes narrow after a moment, and she places one of her soft hands on his face, caressing it. Aaron smiles, leaning into her warm touch. "Ronny, how long have you had your binder on?"

His eyes widen, and he straightens his back out. His ribs are starting to hurt a little, but not much. "Well, I kind of got caught up in the moment, and it's been a-"

Theodosia sighs, wrapping her hands around Aaron's waist. She cradles him as she walks up the stairs, muttering under her breath as she does. She swings the door to her bedroom, carefully putting Aaron down. Without a moment's hesitation, she pulls off his binder and shirt, tucking him into bed. Aaron relishes in the treatment. Sure, they weren't together, but they'd always been close, but they hadn't had a night like this in a long time. Truth is, Aaron's lonely. He was never nurtured as a child but got all the love and affection from Theodosia while they were together, and now that they aren't he misses it.  He's glad that they can still cuddle together without it being weird.

He feels her slip into the bed next to him, wrapping her long limbs around his body tightly, placing her chin on the top of his head. She falls asleep almost instantly, and it's comforting, feeling her chest rise and fall against him. He doses off after a while, safe in his ex-fiancé's arms.

 

×××

 

Aaron awakes feeling cold, absentmindedly groping for Theodosia until he realizes the reason he's so cold is that she's left to go to work. He stretches, making eye contact with one of his cats, the oldest one who lies on top of his rumpled clothes on the floor. Smiling peacefully, he reaches put to scratch her under the chin.

Everything's fine until he hears shrieking downstairs. Immediately, he recognizes Monroe's voice. Normally, he'd try to ignore it because he knows that Monroe is an overdramatic fuck, but since there's a stranger downstairs he should probably check it out.

As soon as he rounds the corner at the bottom of the stairs he is greeted by Theo, munching on cereal and trying to push several cats off of the table. She doesn't notice him immediately. "What's going on?"

"Moony's meeting your friend."

It takes him a minute to realize exactly who this friend is, but when he does her rolls his eyes, stalking towards the living room. At this point, anything he sees won't surprise him at all.

Though, the scene does come pretty close. Monroe's standing on the couch, nose bloody, wearing his Pikachu pajamas, a bowl on his head, wielding Theo's plastic bat, and Alex scurries through the room, (He must have showered because he's wearing one of Theodosia's Star Wars shirts, which is almost comically oversized on him.) pelting him with cat toys. Monroe attempts to tackle Alex, but he's moving to fast and just ends up landing on the floor with a loud thump.

This is what my life has come to, Aaron thinks as he pulls the bat out of Monroe's hands and picks a frantic Alex up by the back of his shirt. "What the hell is going on here?"

"There's a rabid hobo in our house!" Monroe shouts as Alex shrieks, "This goddamn Disney prince tried to beat me up!"

Theodosia's been working so much that her mind is kind of everywhere, and it isn't unlikely that she remembered to make sure Alex was okay in the morning and completely forgot a fourth person lived in their house. Sighing, he puts Alex down and helps Monroe up, knocking the bowl off his head. "Alex, this is Monroe, my roommate, and Moony, this is Alexander, a young man I met last night who might be staying for a while."

The two state at each other wearily, and after a second Monroe breaks the silence. "Oh my god, Aaron, I can't believe you're a sugar daddy-"

"What?!" Aaron shouts, face heating up.

"You're not over Theodosia, are you? So you met some broke slut on the street to fill the hole inside you - or fill his hole - and you're paying him to do shit! If you were lonely, I'm right fucking here, and you don't have to pay me! Holy shit I-"

"I'm not a slut, and you couldn't pay Aaron to fuck your otter ass - "

"Fuck you, I'm a bear! I -"

"In your goddamn dreams you're a bear, you - "

"I know you're not talking, your ass is too ugly be a twink, I swear - "

Letting out a mangled, enraged scream, Alex picks up the bat and lunges for Monroe. "Motherfucker - "

Aaron grabs Alex around his waist and swings the squirming college student on his back. "Stop!" This is all too much. His head is swimming, and he feels like he's about to pass out. God, he hates himself much more than he normally does. Everything is going wrong and everyone is acting different and he hates different, but he has no one else to blame but his fucking self because he's the one who decided to do all of this. He can almost hear his grandmother yelling for him to get it together, If you want to be a boy so bad, Erin, act like it - "

He doesn't realize that he's on the floor until he sees Alex sitting next to him, picking at the skin on his fingers. For some reason, it snaps him out of his daze. How long has he been sitting here? "Stop that, that's not healthy." It occurs to him that he isn't exactly in the spot to be calling other people unhealthy, as he clearly can't handle small changes and spit his words out, and when he gets upset he reverts into a panicked toddler, on the floor, arms locked around his knees, eyes squeezed shut tight. He swipes his tongue across his lips only to taste blood.

Alex is giving him an odd look, but he stops as soon as he notices the other staring back at him he stops. "Wh - Wh - Whatever."

"I'm sorry," Aaron grunts, eyes flickering over Alex. He doesn't seem upset, just a little flustered. "I overreacted - "

"I'm a dumbass, you're a dumbass, and your friend is a mega dumbass, and we all do dumb shit." Alex pops to his feet, holding his hand out. "Want to go out for a walk?"

Ignoring Alex's hand, knowing that he doesn't have the strength, he stumbles to his feet and heads out of the door.

Alex gets on Theo's ruby red bike. She's ten, therefore, she has a smaller bike, but Alex is tiny and can ride it with no problem. They pedal through the streets, Alex's short legs a blur, the bike zigzagging (He crashes into three trees and almost gets hit by six cars) and Aaron trailing behind him, amused and concerned at the same time. "Hey, are you clumsy like this all the time or are you...?"

"I mean, mostly. I haven't shot up in a month - I'm trying to quit - and I haven't gotten high in like-" Alex jerks wildly to avoid a stay cat and ends up falling off of the bike into the street.

Aaron is so shocked he can't move for a second. He figured the kid had been on something recently, but he hadn't expected for him to talk about it so casually. Coming out of his trance, he hops off his bike and helps Alex get back on Theo's. Aaron can't tell if he's bruised or not because he already has so many scratches and scars. Alex doesn't look very hurt, though.

"Thanks," Alex says, gruffly, not meeting his eyes. "You're just going to leave the cat there like a goddamn monster?"

The thing is barely a cat, a baby. It's a skinny thing in all the wrong places, fur caked and muddy and littered with burrs. Aaron wasn't planning on it - he already has too many fucking cats, but now that it's staring and Alex is giving him such an accusing look he can't just say no. Aaron scoops up the thing, dropping it into the basket on the front of his bike. The smile Alex gives him, eyes crinkly and nose scrunching is so astonishing, and he almost falls off of his fucking bike. Aaron watches him take off in the same clumsy drunk way.

"What the fuck were we talking about again?"

"Your drug habits," Aaron reminds helpfully, pedaling extra slowly, definitely because there's a scared kitten in his basket and not because he wants - needs - to see Alex. Definitely not in a pervy way, not because that's gross, of course.

"Oh, right," Alex says, not sounding offended at all. "Yeah, so I haven't gotten high in like, two weeks - I think my guy is in jail, sucks for him - and drunk in a couple of days, so yeah. I normally am kind of clumsy anyway. Also, it might be because I got my ass demolished a couple of days ago and it still kind of hurts."

Aaron chokes, almost falling in surprise. He's used to some of his friends talking about sex in such an offhand way, but Alex looks barely overage. Also, his face is the embodiment of sexless, even though he looks like he's swarming with STIs. There's a more pressing issue at hand, though. "You aren't going to get high or shoot up in my house, because my daughter-"

Bursting into laughter Alex interrupts, "Jesus Christ, man, chill. I'm not going to do anything illegal in front of her. Also, please never say shoot up again, because you sound like an old man when you say it. I mean, you are old, but-"

"-I'm not old," Aaron grunts.

This just makes Alex laugh even more. "Dude, what are you, like, thirty?"

"... Something like that," Aaron huffs, "And thirty is not old."

"Oh my god, I'm nineteen. You're like ten years older than me."

"Speaking of ten years, my daughter is ten, and she knows how to ride that bike way better than you can," Aaron retorts. He hates talking about age because it reminds him how close he's creeping towards the inescapable void of death.

"Oh, fuck off."

"Also, if she fell, she wouldn't be dumb enough to repeat her same mistake again like you're probably about to do soon."

Alex suddenly jerks to a stop, glaring daggers at him. "Fucking call me dumb again and I'll beat the living shit out of you, egghead."

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek. He must have hit a nerve. And, thinking back on it, he can see why. Alex is poor, weak, and raggedy. Practically the only thing he has going on for him is his brains. (At least, Aaron assumes he's smart. Surely he couldn't have paid his way into Columbia.) He wants to apologize but isn't sure why. He can't see Alex's face from behind him, but he can practically see steam rising out of his head.

Aaron's heart starts racing and his face gets hot when they get near the toy store. He knows it's stupid, but he always gets excited when he gets near the store. As a child, he never really had the chance to get toys, always working hard to secure his parents' legacy. "What are you doing?" Aaron questions as Alex teeters off the bike, leaning it against the wall.

"You wanna go in, right?"

Chewing his lip uncertainty, Aaron slides off of the bike, holding the cat out at arm's length.

Glaring, Alex snatches the cat out of his hands, holding it against his chest. "Don't hold... him like he's some piece of trash you're afraid to touch."

Aaron sighs, but he can't help the smile sneaking on his face. "Alex, the thing is covered in mud and I don't know if it has rabies."

"You're dehumanizing him," Alex shoots back. "And it has a name, you know."

"What's his name, then?"

"Philip," Alex responds without a moment's hesitation.

"Why Philip?"

"It's my ex-girlfriend's dad's name."

Aaron can't think of anything to say to that, so he holds open the door for Alex, who shoves the cat into his shirt and tries not to look suspicious. The kid just suspicious in general, but he looks even more so when he's not trying to look it.

The first thing Aaron sees is a stuffed raccoon. It's a tiny thing with bulging eyes and a lopsided head. Immediately, Aaron grabs it and dangles it in front of Alex. "Do you want this?" He's going to buy it either way, but he'd feel less silly if he gave it to someone else.

Alex's sunken cheeks get red, and he looks at the toy for a little too long, studying it. "You're getting me a gift?"

"Well I - " Aaron stutters, because Alex's tone hints toward something that's a little more than friendly, but Alex's whole face is pure light, and instead of looking like jailbait, he looks like an overenergetic puppy that's been kicked too many times, and the sight makes Aaron feel... something. He isn't sure what, and he isn't sure if he likes it.

Like all new things, it's probably going to screw him over.

Aaron grabs a bunch play dough and colored pencils - both of the Theodosias love them. They're about to leave when Aaron makes the mistake of stopping near the expensive isles. As a child, all he had really wanted was a Furby, but he never had the chance to get one. Other than his busy schedule, his grandparents didn't approve of spending money on things that weren't necessary.

"You should get it," Alex materializes behind him, hand over his stomach and the other holding the raccoon. In his mouth is a lollipop, which he definitely didn't have the last time he saw him.

Aaron barks out a laugh. "I can't fucking waste a couple hundred bucks on a children's toy."

"You work hard for your money, man. If something makes you happy, get it. You can deal with the consequences later."

It's unwise, taking advice from a mentally unstable college kid, but, for some reason he doesn't understand, he stares at the toy for a long time, and eventually nabs it.

Hamilton grins widely at him as Aaron pays, showing off the tooth he's missing on the bottom.

×××

Aaron has only known Alex for a day, so he definitely can't say he knows everything about the kid. But the thing is, they met when Alex was so vulnerable that he feels like he's gotten a good feel for who he is as a person, and he's the opposite gentle or tender.

Watching him coo softly to the scared kitten, washing its fur with his small, scarred hands, carefully picking things out makes Aaron want to cry. As tough as Alex tries to seem, he's so tiny, breakable, and something about him not bothering to look hard and unaffected makes Aaron feel fragile, and he wants nothing more than to protect him, shield him from more pain, but he can't.

The emotions swirling in his chest are too much, too fast, and instead of dealing with it, he goes to sleep early like the huge coward he is.

xxx

Aaron wakes up, thankfully, to no screaming. Again, he feels cold with the absence of someone else in his her, but, thankfully, it's pretty easy to fill the void with cats.

He eyes the bag with the Furby across his room. Before snatching it. He didn't have the time to play with it yesterday and is still not sure if he wants to open it. What if it's not everything he imagined when he was younger?

Laughing, he tears the box open. It's so dumb to feel so much about a fucking you that looks pretty creepy, honestly. It takes him a while to find batteries and figure out how to turn it on, but his heart skips a beat when its eyes light up.

And, suddenly, Aaron is sobbing, hands clawing at his eyes, trying to stop it. He's such a fucking mess, how is he ever going to be able to take care of anyone else if he keeps this up? He frantically scoots over to a corner - suddenly he feels to open, unprotected. Corners are safe and secure, and walls collapsing on you while you're in the corner somehow isn't as scary.

Thin arms wrap around him, and he looks over to see Alex, smiling sheepishly at him. The other's hand nestles his cheek, thumb caressing his skin. Aaron's eyes widen, and before he can process what's going on, he's leaning and Alex is closing in the distance. Alex's lips are chapped, but, even though it sounds stupid, it feels like something he didn't even know was missing has been shoved in its place. His clenches his hands, unsure what to do with them, but Alex guides them to his upper back, and Aaron feels a pang of nostalgia because he's wearing another one of Theodosia's nerdy t-shirts.

Kissing Alex is unfamiliar, and he doesn't like unfamiliar, but somehow it's comfortable at the same time. He could do this for the rest of his life, because, suddenly his thoughts are racing, but they've stopped at the same time and, oh God, is this what drugs feel like?

Then it all goes to shit, as everything in Aaron's life does because Alex is pulling Aaron's pajama pants down and his fingers are creeping into his underwear. And it's too much, too fast, and Aaron is snapping his head away, climbing to his feet and running to the bathroom, letting out all of his frustration. It's acidic and it burns his throat, but he deserves it for preying on a barely legal kid who's especially emotionally vulnerable at the moment. God, he's done a bunch of dumb shit, but this is borderline fucking disgusting. This is the kind of thing he'd go off on Thomas for, and here his hypocritical ass is doing the same thing.

He doesn't know how long he's been hovering over the toilet, coughing, and heaving, before Theodosia grabs him by his shoulder sits down against the bed, leading him into her lap, rubbing his back comfortable. It feels nice, and she's warm, soft, and familiar, and she knows how to make him feel better, and she's been there, for him, all of the time, and it's nice to know she'll always be there for him. He loses himself in the familiar, trying not to think about the things that he's done.

"You're at work," He sputters out. "I mean, you're supposed to be at work."

She pushes him back into her chest, cooing. "Theo called me. But it's okay. You're more important than anything I have to do." Before he can protest, she continues, "You're little friend left. His shirt and a little plushie on the couch. What happened?"

"Holy shit, the raccoon!" Alex was so excited to get the damn thing, and he just left it. Aaron's chest pangs - this is all his fault. He's the older one, more mature. He should have never let this get so out of hand. "We - I - "

"You kissed, or something, right?" Theodosia's always been able to read him like a book, and even though it's a little creepy, being around her has always been easy, convenient. She knows things about him that he doesn't even know. "C'mon, man, it's not gonna hurt my feelings. I've moved on, and I'm glad you have too." She pauses, hands slowing down. "It's the age difference, isn't it?"

"He's just started college, and I've got a kid. It's gross."

"It is a little strange," she agrees, "but it's not entirely gross. Age gaps in relationships are tricky, with the maturity difference and power dynamics. I haven't seen you two interact a lot, but from what I heard from him in the few times I've talked to him, he sees to like you a lot. And you clearly feel some way about you. I know I'm not the healthiest person on the planet, but I've been noticing that you've been kind of stuck. When you're with this kid, you feel more than the three emotions you've been feeling in the past year and I think that's wonderful. Even if you two don't go together romantically, I think it would be good for you to stay in each others lives."

They sit there for a while, cuddling in silence until Aaron mutters, "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you, and I'll never stop, no matter how much of a dumpster fire you are."

xxx

It's been three weeks since Alex left and Aaron is kind of in a rut. And by kind of, he means definitely. Normally, he'd avoid going out with Theodosia and her girlfriends because he didn't want to ruin the mood. But surrounding himself with them made him feel slightly less lonely, and none of them were really bothered by his presence. Except for Angelica, but she's always bothered by him in general.

While they're walking down the street, he sees Alexander huddled under a tree, cigarette hanging out of his mouth, flipping through a book. Phillip is lounging next to him, predictably looking even more put together than Alex.

"That's the Alex you're fucked over," Angelica hisses, slinging her arm around a shaking Maria Lewis, the youngest of Theodosia's lovers. The rest of them gather around her, giving her concerned looks.

Aaron's beyond confused, but Theodosia gives him a little wave, and he plops down beside Alex, offering him the stuffed raccoon. "I've been carrying him around since you left. I think he missed you." Alex's whole face lights up when he hears him, and he throws his books aside, wrapping his arms around him.

"I felt lost without you," Aaron admits, grabbing Alex's hands and gazing into his big, doe eyes. "I haven't known you for a long time, but you changed my life a lot, and I want it to continue. I've been thinking a lot since you've been gone, and you make me happy. And like you said, if something makes me happy, I should do it. You make me happy, and a lot of other things I haven't felt in a while. It doesn't have to be us, in, like, a romantic way if you don't want to, or if you're not ready. I just... want to be around you."

Alex grins, hugging the raccoon to his chest. "I'm sorry for rushing you earlier, but I do want to date you. We can go as fast or as slow as you need to." His eyes flicker towards Angelica, and then Maria L. "I haven't always been the best with dating, but I really want to try with you. I'm free this weekend."

"That's fantastic."

**Author's Note:**

> SO YEAH i was filled with hamburr feels after writing connections (which you should totally check out, wink wonk) and,,,, this is it.
> 
> hmu up tumblr at devilstit, and, remember, as always, i crave attention and validation.


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